If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say, Say Nothing At All!

You know I really don't get some people. I don't get why or how people think it's OK to say their every though out loud or how they have the audacity to make negative comments for other people to hear. People that barely know you, have nothing to gain or lose from talking about you, still find it OK to put others down. Is it like our mother's always said because they are jealous, because they want to make themselves feel better? I don't know! Now, I know I am no saint and I am not going to lie and say that I am not guilty of a little gossip here and there, but I can say that I would never purposefully hurt someone's feelings.

Lately I have really become comfortable with me. I am so proud of my accomplishments, especially with the running. I have been liking both the outside and the inside me. I am strong, healthy and happy! OK so I am not a size 2, nor will I ever be. I wear bathing suits that cover my stomach and I have accepted the fact that I will never wear a bikini, it's just not in my fate. But do I think I am an attractive person? Most days yes. There are always things you'd like to change and funnily enough I have always hated my teeth and recently go braces to correct this. I care about my appearance and I LOVE fashion. It's funny because I know I look so different when running, my hair all tied back, sweaty most of the time and that damn spandex is not too flattering on anyone.

This weekend I got a blow to my ego and I am so upset that it got to me this much. Someone had said behind my back but loud enough for others to over hear that they "didn't understand that if I was doing all of this running, why was I still SO BIG". SO BIG? Since when did a size 12 become "SO BIG". I haven't really thought of myself as "SO BIG" in a long time. I have always and will always struggle with issues around weight. My mum always has and so will I. I am a strong person and I can take a whole lot, but call me BIG, or FAT or something like that and I lose it. Now as much as my feminist friends won't like this I would honestly rather someone call me "a C_N_" that a "fat cow". The dreaded "C-word", really can't insult you, I mean what does it really mean? But "fat" or "BIG" that stings. Now I am not condoning the use of the "C-word", in fact I hate it but I just want to get my point across how much this hurts. When I heard about this I become an emotional mess. Now fine, if it was an isolated comment but why did this person have to connect it to running? Running is for me and it is the hardest and best thing I have ever done. It is something I am proud of!

Yesterday I felt defeated, and if I am honest, I still do. I couldn't stop crying about it and hate myself for letting it get to me. I wanted to quit running all together. Although I have talked to people about it and they keep reassuring me, I can't stop thinking about it. It plays like a broken record, over and over in my head. Bringing tears to my eyes every so often. I have visions of people laughing at me because I am the circus creature that could run an almost marathon. Why? Why I am I so hung up on this person and their thoughtless, shameful comment? Why does it matter? We have all heard the saying: "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!" Since when did we forget about it?

New Distances

Over the last several weeks I have climbed to covering kilometers I never thought possible. First it was 23, then 26 and now 30 what an incredible accomplishment! Deep down inside I am so proud of myself and can barely believe that I am able to do it. Does it hurt? Yeah, sometimes. Does it take a lot of time? Oh yeah! Is it worth it? For sure!

Running is all I seem to think about, it consumes most of my brain and I cannot wait for the day that I become one of those few people who can say they have ran a marathon. I can't really imagine my life without running, what would I do with my time?

With the new distances covered, comes new fears. Right now I am worried about the next 12km and what about the damn wall... what will I do if I hit it? Although I love how far we have come, I still question my ability. The training is getting more intense and I really need to keep up the positive thoughts and believe in me!

Music!

So today I ran a very hot 19k and I actually ran with a group of 5 of us which I really liked and while they chatted back and forth I listened to my headphones and joined in the conversation on the walk breaks. After a year and a half of running, I still find it difficult to talk while running no matter what the pace. And I still rely on my MP3 player to get me through a run long or short. 5 k is about the longest I have ever ran with out music. I get the music is a huge crutch for me and I honestly think that I would just walk if it gave out during a long run.

There are several reasons why I love my headphones. Firstly, it keeps me pumped. My running buddies have rep roted back to me that they know it must be a fast paced song because I run a little faster or they see better posture (something I need to work on). Secondly, I find it difficult to talk while running and I think people don't talk when they see you are listening to music. I love my running friends and love chatting with them, but it honestly takes everything I have to run and chatting, especially on the long runs is too much for me at this point. Thirdly, I hate listening to myself pant because it makes me feel exhausted, the headphones block that out.

Recently one of my running friends gave me a iPod Nano and an arm band. Before this I was using firstly an iPod Shuffle, then my iPhone. I accidently washed my i-pod shuffle and I found the i-phone cumbersome and the band terrible for shafing. The arm band is awesome! IT is made of dry-fit fabric and is super comforatable; it is made my Nike (my favorite running products)! She also gave me the Nike+ iPod chip, which I have not figured out how to use just yet but my thoughts on this will come too! It is great to have such wonderful friends who really get you!

The Running Room is generally against listening to music especially in a group run. So I have broken the rule and continue to listen to music, despite what RR tells me. I have explained to everyone I run with why I do it and that it's not that I am a snob and most people get it. I am always amazed at those who can carry a conversation and run, I love talking and would love to find running almost effortless to the point where I can chat. Perhaps when I can chat while running this will when I call myself a runner. It is definitely something I may try to when myself off of at some point, but not now.

P.s- The Globe and Mail produced an article proving that music can increase a workout especially with upbeat music.

No Turning Back Now!

So, it's a done deal. Today I officially registered for the Scotia Bank Toronto Water Front Marathon! That's right the FULL MARATHON... gulp! On September 26th, 2010 I will hopefully run 42.2km! This distance still seems so far off, but I know that if I keep up the training, listen to my body and keep a positive attitude it will be possible and I will cross that finish line upright and smiling... fingers crossed!

They say this race is supposed to be "flat, fun and festive" and I am hoping it is all of these things. 2 of my good running friends also signed up today and we were all equally as nervous, but there is strength in doing it together. We are staying at the race Head Quarters hotel the Marriott. I love hotels and heard this one is great!

I have no time expectations for this race and only want to finish. They asked my the expected time and I put down 4:46 +. My only hope is to finish, and what an amazing accomplishment that will be. When I run the full with my dad for his 50th birthday in October 2011, I will hope to improve on the time.

Today I also signed up for the Detroit Free Press Half Marathon. This race is special to me because it is the race my dad runs almost every year. My dad is alos going to do the hald this year instead of the full because he says that he doesn't have the time to train properly this year because he is coaching a few soccer teams. I am a little disappointed but glad we are still going to be able to do this all together. My borther Jordan followed in our foot steps and also registered. It's a family affiar! I partiularly love this race because you start in the U.S., cross the bridge into Windsor and then go back to Detroit through the tunnel... very cool!

So my race schedule for the next few motnhds is as follows:

-August 21st- Mid Summer Night's Run (Toronto) 30k

-September 12th- Chicago Half Marathon (Chicago) 21.1k

-September 26th- Full Marathon (Toronto) 42.2k

-October 17th- Detroot Free Press Half Marathon (Detriot/Windsor) 21.2k

Survived Post Vacation Run

Well, it wasn't pretty, but it wasn't as ugly as I thought it was going to be. Getting back at 5am and not sleeping that well combined with being in vacation mode did nothing to help getting back into running. But at the same time let's be realistic it was only 5 days not 5 months. I think I need to give my self a break, easier to say now I have completed the first run post vacation.
Today's run. following clinic night on heart rate monitoring, was a simple 6k. I felt really great the first 10 mins then began to fatigue but I made it. Glad it's over.
I think running is taking up so much of my time. I mean don't get me wrong I really enjoy it and really love the friendships I have gained. My husband thought I was so silly for going on and on about missing the 16k LSD on Sunday. And it's true my family has had to sacrifice while I make running my top priority. I have been told it will be worth it... fingers crossed!

Vacation?!?

So I have not run for 5 whole days!! I am worried about getting back out there. It doesn't seem like a lot, but it is more days in a row that I have not ran in a very long time. After being in the sun and relaxing for 5 days I am worried about tonight's 6k run. So far my running circle has told me not to worry about it; that my body will probably benefit from the little break. We shall see. I am also really nervous that I missed the 16k LSD run on Sunday. Luckily the 16k will be repeated this Sunday. So off I got to clinic night 4 and a easy 6k.... fingers crossed!

Marathon Clinic Week 3 done!

So we are moving a long quite nicely in the marathon clinic and I must say so far so good! We have had some good runs and some more challenging!
This week I had a great 6k run, I really pushed myself and only took 2 walk breaks. The walk breaks really help me and I rely on them to get me through. The Running Room uses 10 mins walking and 1 min running and this works well for me. When the going gets though I just say to myself just make it through this interval and then you get a break. It is totally psychological but it works.
Wednesday night was a 10k and that went ok, the route was full of hills and I HATE hills even though I know they are good for me and my training. Friday I ran at the wee hours of 6:30am and had a nice 5k with 2 great friends who were nice enough to join me at this early hour.
Sunday I had a really great 13k run and really tried to remember that it was an LSD (long slow distance). I started it out nice and slow and felt amazing towards the end. The truth was it turned out to be quite a good time. There is something to be said for not going out to fast. I am learning that it takes me about 25 mins - 35 mins to get into the grove of my long runs! I am learning as we go!
This week I would have liked to have gotten one more run in but 4 plus a boot camp isn't bad. The boot camp is fun but it is killing my shoulders. 2 days later I can still feel it.
Week 4 here we come!